


Distorted

by HyperKey



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: AU, Angst, Gen, Halloween, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 01:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5111252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyperKey/pseuds/HyperKey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Halloween story. Sort of a companion piece to Chapter 4 of Null and Void.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Distorted

Jack wasn't sure what to think about this. At first he had considered it to be a good idea. They had told him it had a good chance of success, but how would it be like if this actually worked? His real body had been found, in one piece of all things. It was so absurd and unbelievable that he still wasn't sure if this was just some sort of dream or not. Maybe it even was a nightmare. He shook his head at the whole thing, at how absurd it was. The chances that he wouldn't wake up again were quite high too. Infections, complications, tons of pills to be taken, possibility of being paralyzed. Of course technology could take care of this.  They only had this one try and if it didn't work they had at least tried it.

He knew, and they had told him, that they would immediately cancel the whole ordeal should his condition become too critical, reconnect him to the cyborg body and leave it at that. He had needed to sign contracts. Nothing unusual, they always made him sign a lot of contracts.

This one though, was different. He was terrified, he wanted to run. The whole thing was a bad idea, it was impossible. He still had time, he could still tell them that he didn't want this to be done. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this terrified. Rose was with him, holding his hand, ran her thumb over the back of it. It was the usual dull sensation he had gotten used to. But how would it be like to feel the touch as real as it was? Just once more...

Doing this would mean throwing away part of the only life he knew. But it would take costs away, no more maintenance... pills probably. And preparations... the recovery would probably take months. No one could give him an exact time. The chance of dying was there.

He gave Roses hand a squeeze. They were sitting in a room that faintly reminded of a living room. He couldn't stand the white walls anymore, they made him panic. Rose told him that a change of location would calm him and they had moved to this room. No one else was there. A single candle flickered away on the table. It was dark outside already, autumn taking its toll on the northern hemisphere. 

He flinched slightly when white clothed people walked past the milky glass door. He couldn't think properly, fear gripped him tightly. They had asked if he wanted something to calm him down, but he had refused. Rose had respected his decision, but she knew he had a hard time to cope with the whole thing.

"Honey..." She whispered. "You don't have to do this. No one is forcing you, this is completely your own decision."

He knew, but if he backed away now the body would be ruined. It was like letting someone die. Someone, something. He felt strangely out of touch with that body. It was his own and yet it felt like a completely different person.

They had talked this through with him hours ago.

It felt like years.

Rose kept reassuring him that it was fine if he backed out of it, no one would blame him for it. The scar on his face would stay, it would probably look even worse. Was it worth it? Was it worth to be human again?

Something inside him screamed yes. Something else shook its head.

What would Snake tell him?

That it  didn't matter? That he was still the person whose ass he had saved at the Big Shell? He was ten years older now, Snake no longer around.

Was this worth it? Was it worth to do something that might ruin their family even more?

Rose moved her arm around him, pulled him closer until he was resting his head on her shoulder.  Calmly she stroked his hair, kissed it.

"It's fine." She reassured him. "This is your own decision."

And he had decided. He had been so sure that he wanted it just hours ago. He wanted to feel like a normal person, move like a normal person, eat, do other things. He wanted to touch John's soft hair with his own hands, with real hands. But why was he so scared? What was holding him back?

"I love you no matter what." Rose reassured him. "They will do their best to make this successful."

He knew that. Of course he did.

The possibility of dying was mostly on his real body. His head could be transferred back to the cyborg body immediately.  There was barely any risk, and yet he was terrified beyond description. The tension was almost too much.

"It's okay." Rose whispered.

A person in a white shirt opened the door silently, smiled at the couple.

"Preparation's complete. We can start anytime." The man said with a heavy German accent.

Rose was about to argue when Jack stood, mechanically walked to wards the man. He felt dizzy, nauseous. He was about to tell them that he didn't want to do it, but his voice refused to react. Maybe it was a sign. Snakes way of telling him that this was the right decision... or his mind playing tricks on him. Or just imagination.

He was lying down in that white room before he even realized it, stared at the stranger, no he had talked to him... what was his name again? The man must have noticed the fear in his eyes.

"There is really nothing to worry about." He tried to reassure Jack.

Jack scoffed, didn't know what he was supposed to tell that man. The whole thing scared the living daylights out of him, and he the chances of never waking up again were there too. He glanced at Rose, shook his head in defeat. He didn't want to die. He couldn't do that to John or Rose.

She took his hand when the man fumbled with the IV they had attached to him. He held her hand tightly, almost with crushing force. She didn't bat an eyelash at it. Her gaze wandered to the other man, then back to her husband.

Had she ever seen him so scared? His frame seemed to tremble and she kissed his forehead, gently brushed the blond locks aside. "I'm with you." She whispered, only for him to hear. "I will be there when you wake up."

He gave her a nod, squeezed her tightly.

"Rose..." he muttered. "I love you."

The woman suppressed her tears and her own fear and gave him the sweetest and most genuine smile she could muster. "I love you too, Jack."

She kissed his forehead and his cheeks when his movements became sluggish from the anesthetic, squeezed his hand until he had lost consciousness and they wheeled him off and told her to wait in the lounge room they had been in just minutes before.

Finally, Rose allowed herself to give in to her own feelings. She trusted them, but she also knew the risk. What would she do if this didn't work out? Having him the way he was didn't bother her. It never did. But it bothered him, and she understood why he had agreed to this.

The old body not accepting a part that belonged to it a decade ago was such a believable scenario, but it wasn't what bothered her the most. What if the body was unable to cope with the strain of having to live again? What if he was fine one day and dropped dead the next? She successfully scared herself into a state near panic when a man entered the room. Rose recognized him as one of her husband's technicians.

"Good evening, miss." He greeted her with his thick German accent and a smile.

Rose could only nod. She was squeezing a tissue, jaw clenched and over all she was extremely tense. She had done this to Jack. It was her fault he was a cyborg and she regretted every second of it. She loved him, she wanted him to live a normal life. She would do anything for him.

"There is no reason to be so tense." The man smiled at her as he sat down across from her. "I have made sure only the most skilled surgeons are taking part in this."

"I know..." she whispered. "...But he was so scared..." thinking about his terrified expression felt like someone had stabbed her.

The man frowned, almost looked baffled. Why did he find it so strange that Jack could feel fear? He looked at her, looking for words to say. Rose knew that the man was usually never at a loss for words, the few times she had actually spoken to him had been lengthy and full of technical aspects. Not that his calls ever meant something good.

 "There is little to no risk." The man eventually muttered. He seemed to think about a way to talk to her on an encouraging yet professional level. "I have made sure it is very clear to them what to do. They are all top tier surgeons and cybernetic experts."

Rose nodded. It did little to reassure her. Maybe the technical aspect wasn't even the worst. It was the emotional toll this would take. If it even worked. No one could tell for sure, it had never been done before.

The woman stared out of the window, felt cold. She barely noticed that the man had left the room and came back with a cup of coffee for her.

She thanked him, barely registered the word. Her mind was focusing on her husband. Fully emerged in theories and horror scenarios. She had given in to those not long ago, didn't want to yell her own skills at herself. She wanted to be prepared for the worst and this seemed to be a good way. If she scared herself, she would be more relieved if everything worked out fine.

 _'thin ice, Rose...'_ she thought to herself. _'You're an idiot if you think this is a solution.'_

She spent the next few hours with three cups of coffee, eventually dozed off on the couch sometime past midnight. She didn't sleep deeply, woke up every time someone walked past the door, Eventually she was so tense that she had to go outside for a while.

After making sure Doktor had her cell phone number she grabbed her jacket and stepped out into the chilly night. The area was unfamiliar, the country one she had never been to. John was staying with Doktor's niece, she had a child about his age and Rose was sure they would get along even though John spoke no German at all. John was probably asleep by now, she had sent him a message on his phone, told him to sleep well.

Rose took in the musty scent of leafs, the cool wind. It was freezing. She wasn't used to such temperatures, but it set her head straight again. While she glanced up at the illuminated windows she felt her insides twist. She should have talked him out of it. There was no immediate reason to do this. And yet she had done nothing to stop him, held back until it was too late.

How would it continue if this worked? How would they cope if it didn't?

She sighed, tore her gaze away and located a vending machine for cigarettes just a few meters away. She knew of all the bad things those would do, but what was one smoke? She did it on occasion, Jack didn't even know. She knew about all the bad side effects, not just the long term conditions but also how it affected her in short term. Still, there was this illusion that smoking would calm her down.

Shaking her head she fished around for some Euros in her pockets and pushed them into the machine. She had to get used to how this currency felt like. The coins certainly were heavy. She realized she had no lighter with her when she held the package in her hands. Five euro, how much was that? She had no handle on calculating the difference yet. Who knew how long they would stay here though. She had bought a small dictionary. For tourists, it had proudly said on the cover. Was she a tourist? She didn't come to this country for sightseeing.

It was the country Doktor had grown up in, most cybernetic experts originated from here and they also had some world class surgeons.

She noticed a small group of three people on the other side of the small road. One woman and two men. They were smoking, sensing a chance to get her cigarette lit she walked over to them, dug around in her mind for the right words to say.

Germans were amazing when it came to English. Most of them had heavy accents and terrible grammar, but they switched to English the moment the noticed she wasn't from here.

"...Verzeihung-" Rose managed after a moment, knew her pronunciation was bad, but the three heads turned towards her.

"Ich..." She would never get that word right. The sound just didn't exist in any word she knew. "Uhm..." She held up her cigarette."

"Oh. Feuer." One of the men said and immediately dug out a lighter. It was one of these indestructible ones. He opened it and lit Rose's cigarette.

Rose took a long and deep inhale of the terrible substance and exhaled slowly. "Danke." She muttered.

The three nodded and Rose walked away, back to the building she had come from. While she was pacing around, smoking the cigarette she wished she could speed up time, make the wait any less painful.

 Even the longest smoke couldn't be forever and after half an hour Rose went back into the building, walked up the stairs, wasn't in the mood to wait for the elevator. She had returned to the lounge room, saw a woman there. She had dark circles under her eyes, blonde hair a mess. She was squeezing a keychain. Rose, despite all her worry felt alarmed and wished to help that woman. Take her mind off whatever was hurting her so badly. She had cried, Rose could see that at the smudged make up.

"Excuse me..." Rose silently said when she sat on an arm chair next to the woman. Her head perked up and she flinched, obviously not expecting anyone to talk to her.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Rose muttered.

 "...I don't know much English." The woman muttered. Rose assumed that she was probably in her mid twenties.

Determined to help her, Rose spoke slower and used less complicated words. "I did not want to surprise you." She smiled.

The woman nodded. "That is Okay."

"Can I ask why you are sad? Rose continued. She felt terrible at using such unprofessional words, but hoped that the woman knew she didn't mean to sound so cold.

"My brother..." the woman muttered. "He must be made into a cyborg."

Rose flinched. Of course she was upset. "I'm sorry." Rose whispered.

The woman shook her head. "It is alright..." She stood slowly. "Can I bring you a coffee?"

Rose nodded and thanked her. When the woman left Rose knew she wouldn't come back. She had probably scared her, was too intrusive. Rose was just desperately longing for someone to talk to. Someone without prejudices, someone who might understand her worry and yet the only person who would be able to understand it was the one she was worrying about.

She sighed, took out her cell phone, there was a new message.

'I can't sleep, mom...'

Rose smiled. 'Go to bed anyway, sweetheart.'

The reply was almost immediate. It was almost one AM, way past John's usual bedtime.

'Is dad alright?'

'They're not done yet.'

'Okay... you call immediately, right?'

Rose replied her agreement, put the phone back into her purse after she told him to sleep well once more. They had bought two pretty cheap phones just to use them while they stayed here. She stared at the turned off TV screen and tried to find comfort on the old couch.

It was around three or four AM when Rose eventually fell asleep. Her sleep was disturbed by nightmares. At six am she refused to get back to sleep. She went downstairs again, paced around outside, fumbled with the cigarettes. It was raining, some sort of misty rain that couldn't quite decide between being fog or actual rain. She didn't care much about it. Her jacket and hair were damp when she walked up to the small store just across the complex. It was still closed and so she made her way back to the building. Doktor had a special name for it, it wasn't really a hospital in that sense.

Rose put her cold hands in the pockets of the black jacket, then almost jumped when the phone rang. Dread filled her chest, her heart leapt and was hammering against her chest. She swallowed hard before she picked up.

Doktor's friendly but firm voice greeted her. "Good Morning, Rosemary."

She was too startled to find a proper reply and just stayed silent. What had happened? Why was he calling her?

"There have been complications."

Rose grabbed the lid of a trashcan as her legs threatened to give in. She was staring at the sparkling wet bricks on the ground only illuminated by a streetlight above her.

"Is... is he..." her voice cracked.

"I do not wish to tell you on the phone." Doktor muttered. His voice was still friendly but it had an underlying tone that sounded like he regretted something.

"A-alright." Rose took a deep breath, straightened her legs when she ended the call and slipped the phone back into her pocket.

"Calm down, girl. It's all good." She whispered to herself, but it did little to reassure her. In the end, it were just pretty words.

She stumbled into the building, over to the elevator. There was no way she would be able to walk all the stairs now. Her hands were trembling just as badly as her legs and she had trouble pressing the button, she had no strength at all.

All her skills, her knowledge, it all seemed utterly useless now. She felt sick, her heart still racing. Why hadn't she talked him out of it? of course there was no way it would have worked!

When she stepped into the Elevator her legs finally gave in. She couldn't be bothered to try to stand again. Why couldn't she just stay here forever? Her thoughts surprised her. She wasn't the type to run away, and yet she didn't want to get up again, didn't want to know.

Still, when the doors slid open, she scrambled to her feet, made her way back into the white corridors. Doktor was waiting for her. He was wearing a white coat too now. There was a cup of coffee in his hand. His eyes widened when he walked up to Rose.

"I apologize, I did not mean to scare you." The man muttered, realizing his poorly chosen words had thrown the woman into a state near panic.

"Come."

Rose was reluctant to follow the man, but she did anyway, couldn't stand it any longer. She needed to know what was going on. They entered a corridor that was labeled 'ICU' and Rose closed her eyes. He was alive, she hoped. But what state was he in? How badly had they messed up? Doktor had been so sure that everything would be fine, and yet...

The man stopped at a glass window that showed the inside of a room. Rose held her breath. This wasn't what she had imagined. He was there, surrounded by machines, people fussing over him.

"You see," Doktor began, "It all went fine, but it changed in a matter of seconds. We have been able to prevent the worst, he will be fine. However, the organic body is lost."

Rose  exhaled the breath she had been holding for way too long. This was fine. He was alive. He would live.

"I am deeply sorry, of course there was a risk, he knew that too."

Rose only nodded. All the tension had left her body and was replaced by exhaustion.

"We are only monitoring his condition, this of course put a lot of strain on him. But I can assure you that he has not sustained any permanent injury."

"Good..." Rose whispered, grateful for the technology, grateful for Doktor to be there. Still, she was curious now, despite how tired she felt, there was something she wanted to know. "Why did this happen...?"

Doktor gestured to a set of chairs on the other side of the corridor. He hesitated even after both had sat down. He sipped his coffee, folded his hands around the cup, frowned at the ugly floor and finally looked at Rose.

"As I said, it worked, the body functioned the way it was supposed to. We were ready to end the surgery."

Rose noticed how pale the man was, was he shocked at the failure or actually worried? She couldn't tell.

"Then the heart stopped." He shook his head. "This isn't too unusual, but it was surprising as it happened after such a long time." He looked away, at the floor again, then back at Rose. "We got it to work again, but this happened a second time, then a third. After that everything went stable again."

Rose shivered. Of course, Doktor always went into details. She was curious too. The danger was gone, apparently.

"We still had him connected to the machines, but naming them all would take too long." He smiled at that. "The whole Body suddenly began to fail. It was then when I decided that it was too much of a risk and cancelled the experiment. I returned him to the cyborg body. He is still under heavy drugs, that's why he's here."

Rose nodded, head in her palms now. She was still trembling, but her heart had calmed down. She could see it a little more rational.

"We could have continued, it would have been a break through, even if he died. However, my personal feelings have played into this. Raiden is a friend, and while I love to experiment and try prototypes on him, I would not wish to willingly harm him."

"Thank you." Rose whispered. She suddenly had the urge to hug the man. He probably had no idea how much this meant to her. A scientist who could have gotten rich with this, could have won prices and he threw it away without a second thought.

"There is one more thing." Doktor muttered with a smile and handed her a sheet of paper he pulled out from the coat.

Rose frowned, skimmed it. It wanted a signature of someone in charge, preferably her husband's.

"It is a lot of technical terms." Doktor muttered. "To explain it a little, Prior to the surgery we have taken samples for various tests. Blood, cells, the usual. However, a dear colleague of mine went over board and actually took samples of a more private matter."

Rose lifted an eyebrow in confusion. "Are you telling me they extracted semen?"

"I am indeed saying that." Doktor smiled at her. "The sample has been frozen again almost immediately. This piece of paperwork is mainly asking if you want to keep the sample stored or have it destroyed."

The woman blinked at the man, she was surprised and a little upset too. "Why did this guy do that?"

Doktor shrugged. "He told me he wanted to test if they were still useful."

Rose shook her head in disbelief. What was that person thinking? "I'd like to have a word with that person."

"I can arrange that." Doktor smiled. "I take it you want the sample destroyed?"

"No." Rose hissed. "This is not _my_ decision to make. Keep it frozen until Jack can make this decision himself. And now I really want to see him."

Doktor nodded, stood and talked her through a lot of instructions she had heard tons of times already, before she was let into the room. They had given her ugly stuff to wear. Also not the first time.

However, no matter how often she had seen him like this, she would never get used to it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I am totally unsure about the whole thing. I actually like it but I am scared of the reactions. I wasn't even going to post it. You have to thank Hypocryticalasshole for that. And i need to thank you too. I can't thank you enough. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this 'thing'!  
> Comments are always welcomed :D


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